Monkeys, Infinity, the Net and Obsession or Aren't We All A Little Odd

I think I’m sophisticated because I’m living my life like a good homo sapien.

Kinks

Originally attributed to mathematician Émile Borel, the Infinite Monkey Theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter will eventually type every book in France's National Library.

Which had something to do with probability and nothing to do with actual monkeys, works of literature or real writers.

English majors got involved replacing France’s National Library in the equation with the entire works of Shakespeare or perhaps just Hamlet.

In 2003, scientists conducted a test in which they put a computer in a cage with six monkeys and found that all the monkeys would do was type a bunch of “Ss” and poop on the keyboard.

I’ve had days like that.

Sometime later Robert Wilenski said, the Internet proves the Infinite Monkey Theorem is wrong.

If the Net isn’t contributing to a replication of great works of literature, what is it doing?

Glad you asked.

I’m sitting home, snug in my eccentricities, convinced, in all the world and God’s creation, I am the only one.

Nope.

Years ago, the company that made my favorite pencil quit making them. BLACK VELVET pencils came in numbered qualities like 2 or 2.5. They’re matte black with gold writing. They’re round. They’re smooth. They’re perfect. They are no more.

Since obsession seeks to creep upon us, not spring full-force over night, I had been buying an extra box now and then, so when the supply failed, I had a small stock. I’ve hoarded them ever since.

I’ve also tried to find a new perfect pencil. Cruising the Net to that end, imagine my surprise to discover there exists a community of Desperate Pencil Seekers who, deprived of their favorite pencil, now circle cyberspace and stationers seeking the perfect pencil replacement.

Here, here, here, and here. Who would have thought there was anyone left still using a pencil?

And, they never do, really, find the perfect replacement. Which says something about the human heart.

It didn’t cheer me up any to learn that even my obsessions are average.

That’s what the Net does.

We are not alone.

What a monkey might do equipped with the perfect pencil, is anybody’s guess.