The Trouble With Terriers

Is that they are unresponsive to pain. This means you can not beat them into submission. A quality I admire, but I wouldn't want to test it, ever. Every Welshie I've ever owned (with one notable exception) has been soft to correction which means it didn't take much to get them to mind.

That exception being the former Naughtiest Puppy In The World, Gracie, who, if you rashly try to scold her, will respond with a Travis Bickle impression.


A few weeks ago I noticed Gracie was acting as if her hips hurt her. Oh no, I thought. Can a twenty pound dog have hip dysplasia? (Yes. Uncommon but possible.) One night, she couldn't get up without help. Rushed to the emergency on-call vet. He said she was having a muscle spasm in her back, gave her an anti-inflammatory and recommended rest.

When the meds ran out, Gracie was only slightly better. I had obsessively cruised every canine hip dysplasia site on the Net, looked up muscle spasm in dogs (another horrific problem) and tortured myself with thoughts about putting this sweetheart, naughty pants of a pooch to sleep.

Off to our regular vet we go. This vet says it seems more of an injury than a disease process and recommends xrays to check and a different anti-inflammatory med. She noticed that Gracie's neck was stiff. We found two separate sore spots on her back. I was so focused on a potential hip problem (for which there is no good outcome) I hadn't noticed her neck.

The xrays were clear. No hip dysplasia. Nothing wrong the vet could see. We're sent away with a new med, trial bottle of Glucosamine and orders to make her rest. The vet thinks Gracie reinjures herself as soon as she feels a little better.

We wonder, what the heck happened to this dog?

Woodpeckers made a nest in one of our trees and weakened a four foot section which broke off and fell in the yard after a rain. Did that land on Gracie? We found her barking at the fallen tree limb afterwards.

Mule deer move through our yard every night in their grazing pattern. Most of them are new mothers this time of year. Gracie thinks the deer should play ball with her. Did a deer kick her?

One of our Golden Willow trees has a trunk slightly slanted that every dog we've every had at this house has learned to climb. Gracie likes to use this tree to surveil the neighborhood. Did she fall out of the tree?

We don't know because we have never once heard her cry out in pain.

If a tree fell on me, they'd have heard me in Nebraska.

The new medicine works better than the old one, but that makes our job more difficult as now she feels good enough to play. We've hidden all the balls and she gets this look on her face that I recognize. I know I put those car keys right there!

The last time I saw my ball, it was next to the bird bath. Who moved my ball?

She's not her old self yet. Still stiff in the morning and she sleeps more now. In three weeks she's scheduled for a recheck. I can tell how she feels and when the medicine kicks in. I wish she could tell us what happened.

Freedom's Just Another Word

I was telling the kiddo about the latest misbehavior from

The Naughtiest Puppy In The World

Just Another Bad Dog

Gracie.

Humans nap in front of TV.
Gracie co-ops the fresh sugar cookie plate leaving only crumbs.

kiddo suggests we attempt dog training of some kind to correct such disreputable behavior.

And then, it hits me.


Gracie isn't Just Another Bad Dog.

She's an anarchist.

With a little search, I found conformation on the

How To Become An Anarchist website.*

• Take control over your own life to the greatest degree possible. Nobody owns you and no authority over you is legitimate unless you voluntarily grant the authority.

• If you live in a society, you still have suffer consequences if you choose not to abide by their rules.

That's right. No cookies for you.

*which I won't link here -- Google if you want to see it.

How To Be An Anarchist website. I couldn't make that up.

The Further Adventures Of

the Naughtiest Puppy In The World
Just Another Bad Dog

Gracie.

Who wants to play ball in the snow?
The look on her face just before she snatched the camera off my shoulder, and dumped it in a snowbank.

A Nikon does not look like a ball on a rope.

Oh really.

A Dog's Life

Gracie has it tough, no?

1st Snow

Perfect night to sit by the fire
with one's true and faithful dog.

Looks like a little angel, doesn't she.

Don't you believe it.

Naughtiest Puppy Dog In The World

Been a while since we've had a Gracie update.



As mentioned previously, when kiddo moved to England, the cat came back.

Now, this cat is the size and shape of a speed bump and yet, still manages to eat the last flower off my begonia, poop in the dining room, and knock the clock off the coffee table in under 15 minutes.

So, I wondered why I kept finding him asleep in a pile of Gracie's toys.

Being, basically a dog person, I figured it was some nefarious cat conspiracy along the lines of --

dog. these are my toys now. boohoo for you.

When I found him sleeping in the recliner amid a pile of Gracie's toys, I figured it out.

The conversation went more like this.

Gracie: Cat? Ball? Play ball, cat? Ball.
Cat:
Gracie: Cat? Rope. Tug of war, cat?
Cat:
Gracie: Cat? Stuffed duck, cat. Duck, cat?
Cat:
Gracie: Cat? DuckyEgg, cat. This one squeaks. Cat!
Cat:

Poor Gracie. I think she needs a little brother.

Gracie-Cam

For those of you following The Naughtiest Puppy In The World,

Gracie,

on You Tube,

and I know someone is because

The Most Annoying Sound In The World has 210 views,
Deer vs Dog has 737,
The Further Adventures of The Naughtiest Puppy In The World has 83,
Terrier Trains Human, 57,
and 3 Million Squeaks Later has 39.

They can't all be me.

So, for those of you following Gracie on You Tube, here is her latest venue. Created, if you must know, when I was supposed to be preparing the marketing list for my latest script.



I was forced to join You Tube when kiddo said I was too old to be putting stuff up on You Tube, proving, I hope, once and for all, that one is never too old to be a dork about one's dog.

Play Ball

This is just what I need for The Naughtiest Puppy In The World, Just A Bad Dog, Gracie.


I wonder how he taught Jerry to play by himself?

Play Ball

It's been a while since we've heard from

THE NAUGHTIEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD,

Another Bad Dog,

Gracie.

Here's her Travis Bickle impression.

Happy Birthday, Puppy

Naughtiest Puppy In The World turns one-year-old today.

Guess now she's just another bad dog.

The Further Adventures of The Naughtiest Puppy In the World

Photo Theme Thursday - Quick

Naughtiest Puppy In The World - Part 2

Child-safe is not puppy-proof if you have the NAUGHTIEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD.

After the scarfing the medicine escapade, everything that's anyTHING is up out of reach, or so one might think.

Silly humans.

This afternoon, Gracie opened the bedroom door.

OPENED the door.

Raised herself on tippy-toe to check out what was on the dresser.

Picked up Violet, my iPod shuffle, and ran, chewing all the while, to see there was a squeak in there.

Violet doesn't squeak and now she doesn't sing.

Photo Theme Thursday - Pets

Gracie's on YouTube

Who can resist a social trend?

Baby's 1st Haircut

Wanna Hear the Most Annoying Sound in the World?

Lawn Chair Unavailable?

Sit your butt in a snowbank.

The Naughtiest Puppy In The World

Meet Gracie Lee Webb.

Looks like a little angel, doesn’t she?

Don’t you believe it.

She is a Pagan Baby. (1)

Saturday night, I was minding my own business. Watching I Love Lucy. I realized, Gracie had been quiet for quite some time.

I found her, reclining on my bed, chewing on an open prescription medicine bottle. Half of the pills were gone.

Gracie!

She ran. When she thinks she has something we really, really want, it is much more fun to run laps around the house than simply give over the whatever.

Can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Dog.

I traded her a cookie for the bottle.

Called the Vet. The answering service operator took the information:

"My puppy just ate four 100 mg capsules of Macrobid. She weighs about 18 pounds and will be six months old next Friday."

What kind of puppy is this?

This is the Naughtiest Puppy In The World.

The Vet called. This is too much medicine load for a little girl. You have to make her vomit.

Yippee.

Give her a cup of Hydrogen Peroxide with a turkey baster, followed by a cup of warm water. If she doesn’t vomit in ten minutes, repeat.

I pause, making sure I have correctly calculated how many pills are missing. (2)

The vet yells at me, The longer we’re on the phone the more medicine she will absorb!

All right, Ms. Vet. I appreciate the information, but you’ll live longer if you take a breath once in a while. (3)

Of course, when Gracie realizes I want her to do something, this is the signal to begin another game of Catch Me If You Can.

I trick her into a dead-end room with the squeaky ball, because she is not my first terrier.

I plop her into the bathtub and proceed to baster two cups of liquid down her throat.

Then I call my doctor. My puppy ate most of the prescription you gave me yesterday.

I try to find the chewed bottle to read the drug name off it, and I can not find the bottle.

I had it in my hand while I was talking to the Vet.

When I step out of the bathroom to continue the search, Gracie slips by me, just in time to unload the medicine and everything else she ate that day in four piles in my bedroom. Two piles in the hall, one in the living room, and to show me how nice it would have been if my original plan had worked, two in the bathroom.

I find the bottle in the kitchen. Tell the doctor the name of the medicine about the time he finds me in his computer. He starts laughing.

Usually, he says, when the puppy eats the medicine, it’s a narcotic.

Oh, says I.

It never occurred to me, my story might be suspect. (4) I just talked to the vet, I can give you her number.

I believe you, he says. (5) What kind of puppy is this?

The Naughtiest Puppy In The World.

Did that turkey baster thing work?

Barfarama.

I’ll keep that in mind.

Hung up from the doctor in time to see Gracie ask to go outside. (6)

Not wanting to play Catch Me If You Can in an acre of yard, in the dark, I tell her she can stay inside.

To show me, I’m not as smart as I think I am, she poops by the front door.

While I’m cleaning up barf, she steals the paper towel I’m using. Twice.

Once everything is cleaned up, put up, secured from further attack, I collapse in my recliner and think, this dog is going to hate me.

Gracie jumps in the chair, gives me a puppy smooch through peroxided, barfy whiskers, and falls asleep on my lap.

There is an old Irish curse that goes like this:

May the Seven Terriers of Hell
sit on the spool of your breast
and bark in at your soul case.

I’ve got a better one.

Spend one evening, home alone, with The Naughtiest Puppy In The World.






1 No offense intended to actual Pagan Babies.
2 Never claimed to be a math genius.
3. Actually, my EMT training kicked in. The emergency will end with better results, if we proceed in an orderly fashion. And, by the way, absorption through the gut is the slowest route.
4. Who would make this shit up?
5. What kind of stupid dope fiend wants extra antibiotics?
6. Miracle #2783a, Vatican Archives, Drawer D.