A Day in the Life

I wrote a screenplay in which the monster was a zombie werewolf. The script won several awards. One thing I got for it was a silver bullet.

A silver bullet might protect you from a werewolf, but you can’t take it on the plane.

 I carry my silver bullet in a little pouch in my purse because I am a horror movie dork.

 

I recently went on vacation to the Pacific coast. 

This is my favorite vacation. Go to the ocean. Take pictures. Eat seafood until I start craving beef, come home.

 

The weather was perfect. 

The food was great 

I did wonder where all those people were going.

Flight day came. I’m meeting my daughter on the coast. I check in. Park my suitcase in the checked baggage and present myself to TSA.

 

Things proceed smoothly up to the xray of the carry-ons. A supervisor was called over. Two TSA agents peered intently at the screen. My purse exited the ramp into the screening area. 

 

I waited patiently while the agent went through my purse. Frowned. Went through again and finally came up with my silver bullet. 

 

It’s fake. I said. 

 

Doesn’t matter, she said. No replicas allowed.

 

I wrote a story about a werewolf that won some awards and this is one. I am a horror movie dork. I said. And I’m sorry.

 

Can you call someone to pick it up for you?

 

Daughter was already on the coast. 

 

I call her boyfriend at 5 AM – can you come to the airport? TSA won’t let me take my bullet on the plane.

 

What? 

 

No. I don’t have anyone.

 

Did you drive? You could walk it back out to your car.

 

YES!  Oh no.

 

What now?

 

I put my car keys in my checked bag.

 

Well, there isn’t a line because I’m always insanely early and this is a small airport, so the Head of TSA Security walks me back to the Delta counter and asks them to let my retrieve my keys from my bag that hasn’t moved yet. Delta advises I should always keep my car keys with me.

 

Car keys and bullet in hand, and before I take the bullet out to the car, I thank the TSA agent for kindness and understanding and apologize one more time for being a horror movie dork. She says her grandkids like horror movies the best.

 

Me too.