Ja oder Nein?

 1 Fired a gun – yes, dear. This is Montana.

 2 Gone on a blind date – yes, ages ago.

 3 Watched someone give birth – yes.

 4 Watched someone die – unfortunately, yes.

 5 Visited Canada – yes, our neighbor to the north.

 6 Visited Hawaii – no, but I've heard of this fabled land where it's always warm.

 7 Visited Las Vegas – yep. It's between here and there.

 8 Visited Asia – No. Does Europe count?

 9 Visited Africa – No. Does Ireland count?

10 Visited Florida – no -- too hot. Too many giant bugs. 

11 Visited Mexico – Tijuana.

12 Visited Australia – No, that would be a really long way to go.

13 Seen the Grand Canyon in person – Yes.

14 Flown in a helicopter – Yes. It was like riding a dragonfly.

15 Flown in an airplane – yes and have piloted my own.

16 Served on a jury – once.

17 Visited L.A – You bet. Hollywood!

18 Been to New York City – I love the Big Apple. Would go again.

19 Cried yourself to sleep – yes.

20 Recently colored with pencils - no

21 Sang karaoke – no, but I always sing at the Uke Jam.

22 Paid for a meal with coins only – no.

23 Made prank phone calls – no. Are you twelve?

24 Laughed so much you cried – yes.

25 Caught a snowflake on your tongue – rite of passage in Montana.

26 Had children – yes, but you don't get to keep them.

27 Had a pet – always.

28 Been skinny dipping – no

29 Rappelled down a building / cliff – certainly not. Where are the stairs?

30 Been downhill skiing – yes and I was bad at it. Walked down the bunny hill.

31 Been water skiing – I prefer to stay in the boat.

32 Been camping in a tent – Yes and without one too.

33 Driven a motorcycle – yes. Does an ATV count. I love that thing.

34 Jumped out of a plane – seriously no.

35 Gone to a drive-in movie – those were the days. Yes.

36 Done something that could have killed you – oh yes. Amazed I lived this long.

37 Done something that you regret – regret is a waste of time.

38 Rode an elephant – no. Been to town and seen the elephant though.

39 Rode a camel – Montana had wild camels for a while, but no.

40 Eaten just cookies or cake or ice cream for dinner – yes. And frosting.

41 Been on TV – yes.

42 Been in newspapers – yes.

43 Stolen any traffic signs – no and why?

44 Been in a car accident – Yes. Alas.

45 Stayed in Hospital – yes.

46 Donated blood – no

47 Had to pay a fine in the past 12 months – No.

48 Gotten a piercing – no.

49 Gotten a tattoo – sure. Evidence of a misspent youth.

50 Driven a standard car – yes.

51 Ever owned your dream car – in my youth.

52 Been Married – yes.

53 Been divorced - not yet.

Ukulele Notes and Tab

Because -- I looked all over the net for this and couldn't find it. Found it for guitar, which didn't help at all.

So -- made my own, and I'm sharing.

You're welcome.

First Night. They laughed. They cried. No wait, that was me.

Nervous writer + cel phone = not the best picture.

A while back, I wrote a three scene, one act play called DRIVER’S ED. The story was based on that terrifying parental experience, teaching a teenager to drive. Turns out driving wasn’t the scariest part of the scenario.

Since I grew up in the 60s, it surprised me that I was uncomfortable when my daughter started asking sex questions; which she invariably did on the drive to school. I realized what I thought I should say, and what I really wanted to say often diverged. DRIVER’S ED arose from the idea, what if the unspoken thoughts on both sides had a life of their own.

The play won a few awards on the circuit then went back into the drawer. On a whim I entered it in a Montana contest in which the prize was production, one night, in a theater, with a professional acting troup and director. And a real, live audience.

DRIVER’S ED was one of the winners.

I’ve had a couple of table reads in my career; both times with other writers. It seems to me that writers are dysfunctional in similar ways, and at both table reads I spent most of my time enjoying the goofiness of my peers. From quiet, internally focused writers to suddenly -- ACT-TORS – cracked me up and made me love ‘em for their willingness to let go and help.

Production on a real stage with genuine actors in front of a real live audience was something else all together.

Wow.

And I had a week to ponder.

What if they hated it? What if they were offended? What if they were bored? What if they became enraged and formed a mad mob like the one that burned out Frankenstein’s monster? What if someone jumped up and hollered, “who wrote this crap?”

What if I just had a heart attack and succumbed right there in the theater?

Well, Mrs. Lincoln, except for that, how’d you like the play?

I’ve had a few surreal experiences in my screenwriting career. Having an Oscar winning screenwriter hand me my first screenwriting award.  Hearing an HBO executive quote my dialog back to me because it sounded cool to her. Listening to the director of a major screenwriting contest report how much the judges were enjoying my story.

Now add to those, sitting in the audience while my play was performed.

The audience laughed.

They applauded.

They didn’t burn down the theater.

Nobody cried. I made up that part.