Still Blue

Blue

By The Sea

By Jingo

I'd heard of this, but never experienced first hand.

Bought a new router, faster with better security, after a neighbor came over to brag about the the free Internet she'd found. :P

Unwrapped a Linksys WRT160N. Followed the onscreen directions, complete with cartoon animation.

Everything went peachy keen until I couldn't connect to the web based setup page to further tweak the security features.

Read the FAQ. Followed the question per question directions. Apparently Macs have special needs. :)

12:37 AM, decided to call the 24/7 Tech Support.

Connected to someone in a land, far, far away, with an accent so thick I coulda walked on it to New Delhi.

Now, that accent that sounds inspiring in a guru but is not all that helpful in Tech Support.

He had to repeat directions, twice, and all he wanted was my phone number.

Okay.

Then, he wanted my email.

No, thank-you.

He went on for quite a while about didn't I have any email, he needed it and a bunch of stuff I couldn't for the life of me understand.

Still no, but thanks.

More wind about any email . . .

No. I don't want spam from Linksys.

. . . email address . . .

Listen, Sparky. I am not giving you my email address. Just tell me how to fix this god-forsaken, piece of crap router, I had the misfortune to buy in a moment of psychotic masochism.

What is the problem?

Told him again.

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.

Sorting through computerized instructions. Hopefully not the same ones I read on the website.

You need to talk to the ADVANCED TECH SUPPORT for this problem. Do you want me to connect you?

Nah. Let's argue about my email address some more.

If you let us help you, we'll fix your computer correctly. They'll need your email . . .

Spyweary

On vacation, we went to the Portland Farmer's Market.

It was a freak show, surrounded by a crowd, packed into a two-block long alley.

I decided to document this, on the sly, as I imagined the locals would not take kindly to being mocked by tourists.*

So, holding my 8mg Oly surreptitiouly by my side, I clicked away, Janey Bond.

I got this

and this . . .

and this . . .

and this . . .

. . . which are the elbows of my very own Honey Bunny.

I doubt MI6 will be calling anytime soon.

*I live in a resort area. I know how annoying tourists can be.

Monday's A Bitch

1. Have you ever read a self-help book and if so was it useful to you?

Yeah and no.

2. If you could have one thing made out of pure gold,what would you choose?

A horse which I'd sell and buy a Mercedes.

3. What one word do you overuse the most?

Shit.

4. Who is the least charming person you have ever met?

Guy who hit me with a truck.

5. What article of clothing that you either gave or threw away do you wish you could have back?

A multi-colored, mid-thigh length sweater. I loved that sweater. Husband Dearest said it looked dowdy. I ignored him. Some time later, in a closet cleaning frenzy, I set that sweater in the garbage pile, and Dearest Husband asked in a plaintive voice, "You're not going to throw away your favorite sweater, are you?" I don't remember what happened next. I must have blacked out.

View From Above

Oregon Aquarium

Shark View

Oregon

Flora

Fauna

Flora

Fauna

Flora

Fauna

Flora

Fauna

Flora

You Are What You Eat

*
Got this one from Fond of Snape who got it from here.

Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all.

1) Copy this list into your blog.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison -- I make a mighty fine venison roast. Elk ain't bad either. You have to have a hunter who knows how to take care of wild game though, else you're starting behind. Way behind.
2. Nettle tea -- Takes care of allergies.
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare -- I prefer the cow not to moo at the table.
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp -- Lord no, these are garbage fish and they damage trout habitat. Just kill the suckers.
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari -- Yes if crispy
12. Pho -- pho no.
13. PB&J sandwich -- And I've made over 5, 000 of these
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart -- NYC outside of the Natural History Museum.
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes -- Does Mad Dog count?
19. Steamed pork buns -- sounds like the view at the pool on a hot day.
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras -- Yum
24. Rice and beans -- I was a vegetarian in college. Rice and beans make a complete protein. This is important when you are a vegetarian.
25. Brawn, or head cheese -- Good God NO
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters -- Double yum, but don't look.
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas -- ouch.
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut -- On my Reuben.
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar -- Cognac yes, cigar no. Don't smoke. And you shouldn't either.
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O -- Before my time. Sounds like too much sugar for a drunk.
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat -- No, but uncurried goat yes.
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk -- Yes every day for quite a long while. Goat's milk is good for you.
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more -- Irish, costing $150.
46. Fugu -- fugu you too.
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel -- Raw. One time.
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut -- All American Sugar Gut Bomb
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal -- Would you like a heart attack with that?
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini -- It ain't a martini unless it has gin in it.
58. Beer above 8% ABV -- Does Guinness count?
59. Poutine -- ahem, I thought something naughty here. Turns out, it's potatoes.
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs -- In honor of Kermit -- think of all the tiny crutches.
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake and Indian Fry Bread -- Beignets YES YES my honey bunny can make these his very own self.
68. Haggis -- I always say, hold the guts.
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill -- How hungry are you? I knew a woman who hit a deer on the way home from a goat show and decided leaving the corpse would be a huge waste of perfectly good meat, so she threw the dead deer in the back of her vehicle giving herself, her goats, her kids and her dog, deer ticks, fleas or similar virulent pestilence. I was so horrified by this story, I don't remember the end.
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail -- Yuck no.
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict -- My favorite breakfast. Hold the heart attack.
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare -- Well, rabbit. Looks like chicken. Tastes like dense chicken. Actually better than chicken. Nicer to pet also.
87. Goulash
88. Flowers -- As in artichoke, yes.
89. Horse -- Was told I did once, but they might have been joking. I was just a kid. They were deceitful adults.
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam -- spare me the mystery meat.
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish -- meow. Yeah, I've had Chinese food, too.
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake -- Looked like chicken. Tasted like snake.

*Yes, I am a sweetie pie.

Beach Zen

Schrödinger's Cat

Schrödinger's Cat is an exercise in quantum mechanics that explains how something can be this and that at the same time.

Explanation A.

Explanation B.

Explanation C. My favorite.

Explanation of the explanation.

Superposition is a principle of quantum theory . . . . The principle of superposition claims that while we do not know what the state of any object is, it is actually in all possible states simultaneously, as long as we don't look to check. It is the measurement itself that causes the object to be limited to a single possibility.

Okey-doak.

This is my photo-safe.

Photo - - Safe.

These are devices designed to save the contents of your camera's memory card should you exceed the space there, and are disinclined to carry around your computer to download your pictures.

No cables required. Just poke the memory card in the matching slot, download your pictures, return the card to the camera, erase or reformat and be on your merry way.

I just spent a week on the Oregon coast. I did not bring my computer. I did make sure I recharged the battery in the PHOTO SAFE. The only camera I took was my Nikon D40 and two memory cards. This is the first trip ever, I didn't take a film camera along, at least for backup.

Progress marches on. Sometimes right over the top of you.

On my birthday, at the ocean, I took 485 pictures. This is easy to do, especially when one is trying to photograph tricky Oregon fauna that will not be still.

I use the RAW capture setting to get the most information possible for when I do get back to my computer, so 485 pictures, pretty much filled a 4g card.

I slid that memory card into the Photo Safe slot, feeling all techno-savvy and hip.

Trust is a beautiful thing.

Use the tool. Trust it works.

With some stuff, it does not pay to think about it. Like eating oysters.

Do not think about oysters while you're sitting in front of a plate of shooters. Think of sea breezes and blue skies. Do not think about oysters. Don't look at them either, if you can help it.

Do not think about the odds, everything is going hunky-dory in the Photo Safe while downloading pictures impossible to recreate.

In case #1, you're liable to barf.

In case #2, you'll probably go crazy.

Now, the designers of the Photo Safe, could have improved the situation by adding user friendly greetings to the view screen.

But they didn't. All mine does is illuminate a little spinny blue dial, then turn itself off.

It does not say, for example, Don't worry, darling, I have your RAW images in here and am holding them closer than a mother with a day old newborn.

Little blue spinny thing, OFF.

So, if Einstein and Schrödinger are right, as long as I don't look in the Photo Safe, my pictures are in there intact and I am happy.

As long as I don't look.

By The Sea

Finally got my feet in the ocean.

Help That Ailing Script

<a href="http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/script_doctor/" target="_blank">Script Doctor</a>

Script Doctor

What EMTs Do On Vacation

Gone On Vacation

Ocean.

Ocean

OCEAN.

Le Film

I don't have opposable thumbs, but I oppose everything.

Shop 'til You Drop

Shopping today for something to wear on vacation, I looked up, and on my right, was a gigantic fat woman searching the sale rack. And on my left, a little old lady, sizing a dress while keeping one hand on her walker.

WTF?

When did this become my department?

Now that the kiddo moved away, I can't even sneak into the skinny girl's area to peek at what's new, hip and, you know, not appropriate for my age.

I went right home and shopped online where, with only Miss Naughty Pants for company, I can see--do--be anything I want.

Happy Birthday, Puppy

Naughtiest Puppy In The World turns one-year-old today.

Guess now she's just another bad dog.