One Page Challenge

I heard it from Pooks, but it started here.

Post one page. No ifs, ands, buts, shouldas, whatever.

Wednesday Night Out

The sign said CLOSED, but the door was open, so we went in.

The albino from the manager's office sold us tickets. He offered to make popcorn.

The theater was empty. Silent. The pre-movie soundtrack killed by lack of interest.

A man, who looked like Santa Claus in a wheelchair, motored in and parked himself in the handicap space. He wore a wool hat and flip-flops.

I pretended to look the whole theater over, so Santa wouldn't know I was staring at him, and saw a bald man so skinny, he could be the living skelton illustration, slip into the next to the last row.

A middle-aged guy who was a college professor, or I've never been to school, planted himself center screen, center row.

I went back to staring at the blank screen wondering if I was about to see a porno.

I snuggled up to my cold water bottle and wondered what would happen next.

We watched THE BLACK DAHLIA.

Santa left ten minutes before the picture ended. Guess he didn't care who did it. Or gave up guessing.

How was the picture?

Well, there was a nice long shot of Josh Harnett's bare bottom.

The End.

Signs

Wonder where Eve went?

Don't Say Aaahh . . .

Because that little heathen killed one of our chickens last night.

A buff hen named after a blonde movie star from old Hollywood, who never did anything except lay one egg a day and eat grasshoppers. The hen, not the movie star.

And if Night of the Chicken Murder wasn’t enough, a deer moseyed into the greenhouse and ate all the peas and the ripest green tomato.

Since when do deer eat tomatoes?

And then, as I was dragging the hose to the greenhouse to water the survivors, I spied a SNAKE lying in wait in front of the door.

When I turned to holler for Earl to come kill the snake, I swallowed a bug.

So, on this day, friends, the score is:

Nature 4 Humans 0.

Oh wait, the bug didn’t make it. 1 for our side.

Mistaken Identity

My parents are moving to a new house. I've been helping my Dad make the "official" changes around town.

Twice last week, I was mistaken for my mother.

Please.

Someone tell me.

I do not look old enough to be married to a 78 year old man.