What Is It About Women?

Last night I went to a late showing of THE DESCENT.

I usually avoid horror movies when the accolades include phrases like “one of the best eye-gouging scenes in the history of cinema.”

Usually.

I watched THE DESCENT for three reasons.

1. If we want Hollywood to make more movies with women as the lead players, we should patronize the movies Hollywood makes with women as the lead players. It will not keep you too busy.

2. I am related to this one.

3. I like scary movies.

In DESCENT, six friends meet once a year to indulge in some risk sport together.

The set-up is nicely done. Back story revealed, each character delineated, denouement hinted at, and a pretty good scare, all before the popcorn got cold. I don’t know if it was first ten minutes, but it was close.

The women are going caving. Not a nice cave you could walk through, but one that has to be rapelled into.

My in-house expert in rock climbing matters said all the gear was authentic.

I thought their shoes were wrong.

I’ve been a semi-horrified spectator of rock climbs, and the rock climbers were not wearing hiking boots.

But, I suppose if a girl happened to find herself fleeing monsters of undetermined origin, she would have to run in the shoes she was wearing.

Which reminds me.

The lesson I learned from all those 50s era sci-fi movies, where inevitably the hero had to drag the heroine away from the monster while poor heroine tottered along in high heels, is this –

In case of natural disaster or monster emergency, please wear sensible shoes.

Back to the movie.

So, the girls proceed on their adventure, are quickly lost and fleeing monsters of undetermined origin, while havoc and mayhem ensue.

There are many good BOO type scares, but the horror is never elevated above that unless you consider bloodletting, eye-gouging violence to be what makes a good horror movie.

I do not.

Those are merely gross special effects. I looked away twice. So what? I was never seriously creeped out like in THE RING for example.

Or like in the original ALIEN which THE DESCENT is being compared to in advertising. And it’s not even close.

Remember in ALIEN when Ripley’s the last one alive. She’s about to make good her escape, and she goes back for that damn cat?

Which brings me, finally, to my point.

Hurray! We’re making women our movie heroes. But if you look closely, what are the film makers really saying about women?

Did Ripley look brave, compassionate or extra heroic when she went back for the cat?

No. That was a stupid move. And I love my cat as much as the next person, but if gigantic acid-dripping, parasitic, bug monsters are after me, Petey will have to fend for himself while I flee in my sensible shoes.

So, after seeing THE DESCENT I wondered if the target audience was at all upset when in the end …

SPOILER ALERT

It was all just a cat fight over a man?

I couldn’t believe it.

90 minutes of rocking, strong women who cope with catastrophe with proactive, vicious self-determination and the end it’s --

Touch my husband? I’ll feed you to monsters of undetermined origin and be on my way. Bitch.

Add soaked tee shirts and mud and it’s a good old boy's wet dream. Oh wait. They did.

And besides that, why do our strong women portrayals resort to making the women behave like the worst men?

Is that how to empower our movie women? Have her pick up a deadly implement to hack, slash and eye-gouge her way to glory?

Well, at least they’re wearing sensible shoes.